While He Slept
by AnnLaw
Summary: It is the night before Lucas and Brooke return to Tree Hill after visiting Haley in NY City. Lucas and Haley have just had their heart to heart and Lucas has fallen asleep. But Haley is still awake. And she's still talking...1st Fanfic.OneShot.R&R,SVP


This is my first fanfic ever! Reviews are very welcome. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters...although I do wish that I owned Lucas. Wink, Sigh, Drool etc...

_Summary: It's the night before Lucas and Brooke are returning to Tree Hill after visiting Haley in New York. Lucas and Haley have just had their heart-to-heart and Lucas has fallen asleep. But Haley is still awake. And she's still talking..._

"Lucas?..." Haley whispered.

Lucas didn't answer her and the steady rise and fall of his chest told her why. Ever so slowly, Haley slid closer to her sleeping friend until they were lying face-to-face. His breath caressed her cheek as she stared at him, silently memorizing every part of the face she already knew so well. The face that she loved.

"Lucas?..." she whispered again. He didn't stir and she gently ran a finger down his cheek. "I'll tell you now," she said softly. "I'll tell you the truth."

Her heart was beating so loudly that she could hear it in the pillow under her face. She swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat as tears began to fall from her eyes. She was about to tell him. She was about to say the words that she had whispered to herself over and over again throughtout the years--ever since she first realised them that night on her fourteenth birthday when she gazed across at him over her double-fudge cake. He had urged her to make a wish then, his eyes twinkling as they always did when he looked at her. She had grinned at him and closed her eyes and prayed with every part of her..._Let Lucas Scott love me like I love him! Please, let him love me!_

Of course it hadn't come true. His love for her remained bright and pure and strong...but it was the love of a brother. A best-friend for life. Not a lover. Not the all-consuming,heated, passionate love of a soul-mate. Not like the love she felt for him...

"You asked me why I left," she whispered staring at his closed eyes, knowing she would never be able to say these words with his blue eyes staing back at her. " I left Tree Hill because--because I'm in love with you." Her voice broke as the tears began to rush from her eyes, but she wiped them away harshly and swallowed against the lump in her throat. She couldn't break down now. She had to tell Lucas everything--everything she couldn't tell him when he was awake. When his eyes were staring into hers unwaveringly, filled with hurt and confusion over her decision to leave Tree Hill--to leave him.

She took a deep breath and slid her hand into one of his.

"I've loved you for so long Lucas," she said softly "ever since I met you that day in the fourth grade, when those boys were throwing my back pack around and you caught it and told them where they coud buy one of their own if they wanted one so bad." Haley smiled at the memory. " There you were, one boy standing up to five who were so much bigger and older..." she shook her head in wonder and looked at her sleeping friend. "You became my knight in shining armor right at that moment. And when those guys gave me back my bag and left me alone--well, you became my king." She smiled wryly " although, I do think they gave in so easily because they figured you had to be insane to stand up to all of them by yourself and they didn't want to find out the hard way."

She looked at him and her smile faded as the lump slowly returned. " But that's when I knew, Lucas" she whispered brokenly."that's when I knew that you'd always be an important part of my life. I didn't know how important."

Haley stared at her unresponsive friend. Then she gently put her forehead against his. " I'm in love with you Lucas." she whispered. "I have been for so long. Long before Peyton and Brooke. Long before even basketball...I've loved you forever."

She pulled away from him so that she could look at him again. "When I realised that you wouldn't, couldn't love me back that way...when you told me about Peyton,and the Brooke...I tried to let you go. I got to know Nathan. And he was sweeter than I thought...and he had your eyes..." Haley paused for a moment as Lucas sighed in his sleep. She waited, heart beating loudly, as he shifted and rolled unto his back. He sighed again and she looked at him and watched him settle back into sleep. She didn't want to continue. She wanted to curl up to her friend, snuggle into his warmth, and dream about how it should be between them. But she knew. She knew this would be the last time that they would be together like this. And she had to let him know finally. Even if he wasn't listening, she knew that some part of him would hear her. Some part of him would finally know how she felt.

Haley gently lowered her chin to his chest and stared at him. He was so beautiful. She'd always seen his beauty, before his growth spurt, before his eyes attained that confident sparkle...even before the braces that they both suffered through during the seventh grade. She giggled inwardly at the memory and sighed as she watched him. Yeah, Lucas had always been beautiful. Her face rose and fell with his chest as he slept, and she put her cheek against him to listen to his heartbeat. She closed her eyes.

"I married Nathan because I loved you" she whispered. "I knew that...we would never---happen. I knew that I would never be a Peyton or a Brooke in your eyes. I would always be just...just Haley. And I coldn't take that." She lifted her head and looked at him "And so I married Nathan. I cared about him. I even grew to love him. Like you loved me. And I thought that would be enough. But you were always there in my thoughts. You were always in my heart." Haley closed her eyes and bit her lip.

"You were there on my wedding night" she said softly. The lump was back. Along with an ache in her throat...and her chest.

"It was your arms around me the first time I made love,Lucas. And your heart beating against mine... And you were the one inside me." she whispered brokenly. "It was your name that I called out, Lucas" She stilted the sob that welled up inside of her. " And it was your arms that I cried into that night." She took an unsteady breath. "I told Nathan I was crying because I was so happy. But I lied to him. I lied to myself." She stared at Lucas beseechingly but his eyes remained closed.

"I tried to believe that I was doing the right thing. That I really loved Nathan in that way that I wanted you to love me, and that we should be married. But deep down, I knew I was wrong. I married Nathan to get away from you. To get away from wanting you and needing you, and always thinking about what you don't feel for me. But it didn't work. And now Nathan's hurt too." Haley closed her eyes as she thought about the pain that had been in Nathan's voice the last time they spoke. She willed herself to go on.

"When Chris asked me to join the tour, I saw it as my way out. My chance to start over. I thought that leaving Tree Hill would help me to leave you behind. To get over you." She gazed at Lucas. "that's why I didn't say goodbye," she whispered. "that's why I left the way I did. But it didn't work. Tree Hill followed me here. I made a mess of Nathan's life, and..." She stared at Lucas sadly." You are always with me. No matter what I do, you are with me everywhere I go. You are a part of my soul Lucas," she said softly "and running away won't change that, just like marying Nathan didn't "

Haley rested her chin on Lucas chest and watched him as he slept. His long lashes brushed his cheeks with every breath he took and his lips were pursed silently in his sleep. Haley smiled as she suddenly realised that they always did that. Even while he slept, Lucas looked like he was deep in thought. Haley gently ran a hand through his hair and down his cheek for what she knew would be the last time. This was the last time she would be this close to her best-friend. This would be the last time that she would be able to touch him like this or even talk to him. Because she was not returning to Tree Hill.

The thought of being around Lucas and never seeing the love and the passion that she felt for him reflected back in his eyes, never being able to tell him how she felt while he was staring back at her, never feeling his arms wrapped around her in the way that lovers held each other, never feeling his body pressed against hers, or his mouth memorizing hers...The thought of Lucas not being in love with her, filled her with a pain that was pretty close to unbearable. And if what Nathan felt was even a tiny part of how she felt, she couldn't hurt him anymore than she already had. She needed to end the lie that was their marriage...and she needed to put some space between herself and the place she'd grown up in. Most of all she needed to put some space between herself...and the love of her life.

Haley looked at her friend one last time. She inched forward until their noses were alomost touching and carefully rested her head against his neck. She took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh mixture of the outdoors and Ralph Lauren, a fragrance that was infinitely Lucas. She closed her eyes as the tears began to come again.

"I love you." She whispered. She slowly leaned forward until their lips were moments apart and kissed him softly. "I love you so much, Lucas." She said against his mouth. She stayed there for a moment, revelling in their closeness. Then she slowly backed away and climbed off the bed.

She finally knew what she had to do. Walking to one of her bags, she opened it and pulled out the Anullment papers that Nathan's dad had unceremoniously thrown at her weeks ago. She was going to undo what she never should have done in the first place.

She sat down at the desk and took a deep breath. It was time to put an end to all the lies. She looked over at the man she loved and smiled brokenly through the tears that now ran freely down her cheeks. She would do it now. She would finally let go of her best-friend, her confidant, her comforter, her number one fan, her soul-mate, her Lucas...

while he slept.


End file.
